How do you calm a tantrum?
Parenting is tough, especially when you’re dealing with a child’s tantrum. As parents, we tend to panic when our child is in distress, but it’s important to keep our cool and handle the situation calmly.
In this blog post, we’ll discuss the two most important things to do when your child is having a tantrum. But here’s a secret, the same two steps can help you with your own stress as an adult.
Keep reading or watch this Reel to know the 2 must-dos when dealing with tantrums:
First and Foremost, Emotional Regulation to Calm a Tantrum
Tantrums are normal. Children are not born knowing how to regulate their emotions. When they feel something, they feel it BIG. It consumes their whole world.
They don’t have the “top-down” abilities yet that we as adults hold. That is, to think logically in order to calm ourselves down.
So how do you calm a tantrum, then?
First, we need to learn “bottom-up” emotional regulation. That’s calming our body in order to calm our mind.
Since they don’t know how to do that yet, we have to teach them through co-regulation.
When your child is having a tantrum, the first thing we want to do is help them co-regulate. They are in a dysregulated state, and they need your help to come back down. It’s essential to keep your energy down, speak in a calm tone, and help them regulate.
Remember, you are not problem-solving or asking questions at that moment because they don’t have access to their cognitive abilities to THINK right now. The same goes for adults, when you’re stressed or triggered, the first step is emotional regulation.
Take a break, do some breathing exercises or physical activity, and get yourself back down to calm before you move on to the next step.
Validate Their Feelings When They Have a Tantrum
The second most important thing to do is to validate your child’s feelings. You don’t have to agree with their actions or tell them whether they are right or wrong.
Just echo back to them what they are feeling so they know that you understand how they feel. This helps them feel seen and heard, and it’s an essential part of our emotional development.
Children are born using their “right brain” mostly – that’s the part of the brain responsible for emotions and sensations.
They need our help to learn the right words to describe those feelings so they can integrate their logic and language with their sensations and emotions.
As an adult, it’s crucial to acknowledge and validate how you feel. What triggered you? How did you react? How are you feeling right now? Validate those feelings before moving on to the next step.
If you didn’t get that integration from your own caregivers when you were little, it’s not too late for you to begin this work on your own or with a therapist or coach.
The bottom line:
Dealing with a tantrum can be overwhelming, but remember that emotional regulation and validation are the two most important first steps when your child is having a tantrum. These two steps can help you deal with stress and regulate your emotions as an adult too.
So next time you or your child are in distress, take a deep breath, regulate your emotions, and validate your feelings. You got this!
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