So if you two have been struggling with yelling at your kids and you like to do that less, you’re not alone. I’ve got at least three messages in my inbox asking me, what do I do about this?
So I’m gonna try to give you some ideas here, but also follow Dr. Chelsea. I’m gonna tag her below because she’s amazing and she gives such awesome examples.
First, I think we inadvertently train our kids to only respond once we yell because we haven’t been setting firm boundaries from an early age. But that’s okay. You can correct it.
Of course, when you do yell or lose your cool later, go back and apologize. I’m sorry I got angry.
What do you think I should do next time I feel that way so that I don’t yell? Help them co-create a breathing exercise to do together.
Another thing instead of yelling up here, try coming down to their level and actually lowering your voice and maybe even whispering so that they really have to listen in order to hear you.
A couple of people said they have really strong willed children, and to me, that says autonomy matters very much to them. In that case, instead of giving demands, give them choices. Want to do it this way or that way?
Do you want to do it now or do you want to do it later? But hold the boundary.
Also, make sure you have developmentally appropriate expectations of your kids. Expecting a six-year-old to be able to go and clean her room to the standards of an adult without supervision, without support, or without getting distracted is not really developmentally appropriate.
Regulating yourself is so important to help them co-regulate, but also showing them by example what it looks like to keep your cool when you’re not getting your way.
Keep reading or watch this Reel to know how to stop yelling and build a strong connection with your kids through emotional regulation.
Setting Firm Boundaries and Apologizing:
One of the reasons our kids tend to respond only when we raise our voices is that we haven’t set clear boundaries from the beginning. But hey, it’s never too late to make a change! If you lose your cool and yell, don’t forget to apologize. Engage your child in a conversation and ask for their input on how you can handle such situations better. Together, you can create a breathing exercise to practice whenever emotions run high.
Lowering Your Voice and Getting on Their Level:
Instead of yelling from a distance, try something different. Lower your voice, and if possible, get down to your child’s eye level. Whispering can be especially effective, as it compels them to pay closer attention to your words. It’s like having a secret conversation that instantly captures their interest.
Autonomy Matters: Give Choices, Maintain Boundaries:
For those with strong-willed children, it’s important to acknowledge their need for autonomy. Instead of issuing demands, offer choices. Let them decide between two options, like doing a task this way or that way, or doing it now or later. While providing choices, remember to hold the boundaries firmly, ensuring they understand the limits.
Developmentally Appropriate Expectations:
Sometimes, our expectations of our children’s abilities may not align with their developmental stage. Expecting a six-year-old to clean their room to adult standards without guidance or without getting distracted isn’t realistic. Adjust your expectations to match their capabilities and provide the necessary support and supervision.
Regulate Yourself to Co-Regulate:
The way we regulate our own emotions greatly impacts our children’s ability to regulate theirs. Demonstrating self-control and composure when things don’t go our way sets a powerful example. Show them how to keep calm and find alternative solutions, even in challenging situations.
The bottom line
Parenting is a journey, and we all have our moments. The key is to approach it with love, understanding, and a sprinkle of humor. By implementing these strategies, you can create a more harmonious atmosphere where yelling becomes a thing of the past.
Don’t forget to check out the incredible insights shared by Dr. Chelsea, whose expertise adds tremendous value to this topic.
So, are you ready to embark on this yelling-less adventure? Let’s create a nurturing environment that fosters positive communication and connection with our little ones. Share your thoughts and any additional tips in the comments below! Together, we can make a difference.
Where to go from here:
- Free Inner Voice Makeover workbook: Transform harsh self-talk into self-compassion with these 5 powerful steps to speak to yourself like someone you love. Discover the values hidden beneath your inner critic.
- 21 Day Meditation-in-Action: Retrain your brain in just 4 minutes daily. Create the mental space needed to connect with your authentic self and make values-aligned decisions.
- 1:1 Discovery Session: End the cycle of reactivity that leaves you feeling guilty, drained, and disconnected from your authentic self. In this focused 30-minute free consultation, we’ll identify your unique stress triggers and create a clear path to the calm response patterns you’ve been searching for. Transform stress into strength—starting now!
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