I want to bust the “work-life balance” myth.
The myth that finding balance with everything on your plate is the solution to your anxiety, overwhelm, stressed relationships, and lack of peace and joy.
Nope.
Ok, I get it. There’s a lot on your plate and you NEED balance.
I feel ya!!
If you’re anything like me, you’re:
- Raising kids.
- Running a business or growing your career.
- Caring for aging parents.
- Trying to take care of your aging body.
- Keeping your marriage healthy.
- A house to take care of and a mortgage to pay.
- Sprinkle in a pandemic here and there…
There is a lot on our plates to juggle – So how do we handle it all gracefully and stay happy and healthy?
You know you need balance, but why hasn’t it happened yet?
The truth is, it’s not what’s on our plates that determines our success, failure or happiness.
It’s the strength of the plate itself.
Work-life balance is a byproduct of a strong plate. So here are 3 steps to strengthen your plate so balance happens naturally.
Step 1: Finding Your Inner Calm
The most anxious years of my life were before I was married, I didn’t own a home, no kids, my life was uncomplicated and there wasn’t much on my plate (especially compared to my life now).
But I was a wreck emotionally.
I didn’t have the skill of finding my inner calm. I needed to develop this skill before I could handle adding to my plate.
We’re talking about the emotion intelligence skill of emotional regulation and control.
My clients are intelligent people. Meaning they are problem solvers and over-thinkers.
They come to me saying “I’ve tried positive affirmations, looking at things differently, gratitude journals… but I’m still so stressed!”
That’s because they are trying to think their way out of a problem that thought got them into in the first place.
Finding your inner calm is work done in the BODY, not in the MIND.
It’s easier to calm our thoughts through our body than it is to calm our body through our thoughts.
This is where I tell you to “just breathe”, right?
Well, kinda.
More importantly though, you need to know WHY.
If your body is stressed, your mind isn’t firing on all cylinders. You don’t have access to all your tools. And you are not the best, calm and in control version of yourself.
Step one when you are anxious, stressed or overwhelmed – start in the body to calm and ground your nervous system.
This will not only get you back in control NOW, but will retrain your nervous system to stay in control.
You’ll find that you become:
- Less reactive to stress and more in control.
- Less overwhelmed and more focused.
- More present and adaptable to change.
This makes it easier to balance the heavy load on your plate.
Try this 30 second technique to find your inner calm.
Step 2: Finding your inner support system
Yes, we need a support system in our lives. But even more importantly, we need an INNER support system.
That means being compassionate, kind, supportive, understanding and patient with yourself. Believing you are capable, lovable, and worthy.
Internal support is coaching yourself through challenges with love instead of criticizing yourself from a place of fear.
Here are 4 reasons Internal Support is necessary to find work-life balance naturally:
- Without internal support, you might not ask for help when you need it because you’re too afraid of being a burden or rejected.
- You might turn down offers for help because you don’t want to seem weak or you could do it better (and it “has” to be done perfectly).
- You might become expectant and reliant on external support if it doesn’t come from within, straining your relationships with co-dependency.
- You’ll be looking for validation from everyone else for proof that you are good enough because it isn’t coming from within (and it needs to come from somewhere).
But here’s the kicker, even if you get that external validation of your worthiness, if you don’t believe it yourself, it won’t be long lasting and you’ll once again be seeking reassurance that you are good enough.
Try this on for size the next time you’re anxious or triggered, say to yourself “I choose to love and support you through this.”
It will strengthen your plate and you’ll find balance and external support more naturally.
Step 3: Finding your inner guru
As Yoda and all the best gurus would say “The greatest teacher failure is.”
Finding balance requires sacrifice. It takes boundaries. And it takes failing many times before we learn the lesson of letting go of “perfection” in order to grow.
When we see failure as a necessary springboard for growing, not something to fear or avoid, it allows us to grow into a better, happier, stronger, more joyful version of ourselves.
When you screw up your work-life balance (which you will, and should) – use this as fuel for wisdom to make tomorrow better, instead of a reason to beat yourself up or hate your current situation.
Ask yourself: “If the Universe gave me this situation for a good reason, what lesson am I supposed to be learning?”
By asking questions like this, you’ll keep taking steps toward balance naturally, because you’ll be strengthening your plate as you grow into a calmer, more self-compassionate and wiser version of you.
The bottom line with work-life balance:
Work-life balance isn’t the solution to anxiety and overwhelm.
Balance is the byproduct of finding your inner calm, inner support system, and inner guru.
Where to go from here:
- Work with me 1:1: For leaders and parents feeling lost trying to grow and heal on their own, ready for a guide on their journey out of anxiety into the happiest, most Zen-Badass version of yourself from the boardroom to the family room.
- 21 Day Meditation-in-Action emotional transformation (now only $37). In as few as 4 minutes a day, learn how to retrain your mind for resilience, peace and focus.
- Free Training – Learn the 4 Shifts to Ease Anxiety and Find Your Inner Zen-Badass: Access the free mini-but-mighty Graceful Resilience® training to learn the skills to become calm, confident and in control over your emotions so your career and relationships thrive.
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