Just dropped my son off at daycare. And there was another mom there that was talking to the daycare provider as I was helping my son take off his shoes and his jacket. And in the middle of talking to the daycare lady, this other mom screamed, like, loud at her child in the other room. For context. My son is three and a half, and the child she yelled at was about one and a half. I jumped because it startled me.
But I watched my son’s reaction to seeing this adult screaming at another child, and he just froze wide eyed and, like, stiffened as he looked up at her. Now, the other mother was yelling because she saw her daughter, I think, take a toy from her sister. I’m not perfect. I certainly raised my voice. And I am not here to mom shame. I just want to talk about my theory in parenting my child. I think if I were to yell at him like that for the everyday stuff, learning to share, hitting all of the stuff that kids, they’re learning and they’re navigating, then he’s going to become a bit desensitized to it. Because when I yell, I want it to have real effect. Like, if he’s about to run out into the road, I want him to react the same way he did when that other her mom yelled, which is to stop because he is startled. Yelling is something we do when something’s unsafe. I don’t want him to feel unsafe in my house, which is why he had such a reaction to her yelling.
The Long-Term Effects of Yelling:
We’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, research tells us a different story. Yelling at children can have long-term negative effects on their emotional well-being and overall development. Numerous studies have highlighted the harmful consequences, including increased aggression, lower self-esteem, and a higher likelihood of developing anxiety or depression later in life. If you’d like to dive deeper into the research, check out this link from Healthline which provides valuable insights into the effects of yelling on children.
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2888480/pdf/nihms-198378.pdf
Keep reading or watch this Reel to know the damaging effects of yelling at children and 3 gentle parenting alternatives to yelling
Alternative #1: Warnings in Advance:
One effective approach to minimize the need for yelling is to provide warnings in advance. Instead of waiting until the last moment to give directions or ask your child to do something, offer clear expectations beforehand. For example, if it’s time to clean up their toys, give a gentle reminder a few minutes before the cleanup time and explain why it’s important. This way, you set the stage for cooperation and reduce the likelihood of resorting to yelling when time is running out.
Alternative #2: Providing Help and Guidance:
We’ve all been there—repeating ourselves multiple times, hoping our kids will finally listen and follow through. However, instead of getting caught in the cycle of frustration, try a different approach. When you notice your child struggling to complete a task or follow instructions, offer help and guidance. Instead of raising your voice in exasperation, go to your child and provide the assistance they need. By doing so, you show them that you’re there to support and guide them, fostering a positive and nurturing parent-child relationship.
Alternative #3: Natural Consequences:
Another effective strategy is to let natural consequences play out. Instead of resorting to yelling, allow the natural outcome of their actions to serve as a valuable lesson. For example, if your child refuses to put on their shoes despite your reminders, explain that if they go without shoes, they may have to endure discomfort or inconvenience. This way, they experience the consequences of their choices in a controlled and safe manner, promoting responsibility and critical thinking skills.
The bottom line
Yelling is something we should reserve for situations that genuinely require immediate attention and alertness—instances where safety is at stake. In our day-to-day interactions with our children, it’s crucial to foster a safe, loving, and respectful environment. By incorporating these gentle parenting alternatives, we can communicate effectively, teach valuable life lessons, and maintain a strong bond with our kids.
So, the next time frustration mounts, take a moment to pause, breathe, and choose one of these alternatives. Remember, parenting is a journey, and we all make mistakes. By embracing a calmer approach, we can create an environment where our children thrive, learn, and grow into confident and compassionate individuals.
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