My 3 year old interrupts me every time I’m trying to have a conversation with my husband.

He butts right in and seems to hate it when we talk.

Is it annoying? Sure. And of course I want to teach him patience and manners. But let me pause there for a sec…

When my husband is angry and huffs around the house, I use to get pissed and demand he snap out of it. I hated it when he got like that.

Of course, you can imagine, that only ever made things worse.

So does telling my 3 year old to knock it off and wait.

There’s an unmet need in both situations.

My husband just wanted some empathy and understanding. Everytime I now respond that way, his mood shifts so quickly.

My 3 year old just needs to feel secure when he sees his caretakers are not paying attention to him (it’s a very age-appropriate behavior by the way).

So when I instead have him come sit on my lap and I stroke his hair, he is perfectly content and stops interrupting.

The problem with focusing on “correcting the behavior” is that we miss the unmet need DRIVING the behavior.

Below is a list of 6 basic needs to make it easy for you to think about what could be driving this behavior.

Oh, and guess what? You’re a human, too. 

These are basic needs that you also have as an adult, so this will help you find the why behind your own behaviors, too. 

Keep reading or watch this Reel to know the 6 unmet needs of children and their impact.

@happywoz

6 unmet needs to help you find the Why beneath your children’s (or your or anyone’s) behavior. #parentingtips #gentleparenting #consciousparenting #momsover30 #momsover40

♬ original sound – Sandy Woznicki Stress Coach

6 basic needs driving our behavior

1. Safety

Children need to feel safe in order to thrive. They need to feel physically safe, emotionally safe, and socially safe.

  • Physical safety means that they need to be protected from harm. This includes protecting them from physical violence, abuse, and neglect.
  • Emotional safety means that they need to feel loved, supported, and accepted. They need to feel like they can come to you with their problems and that you will listen to them and help them.
  • Social safety means that they need to feel like they belong. They need to have friends and feel like they are part of a community.

2. Food, water, and sleep

Children need to eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water, and get enough sleep in order to grow and develop properly.

  • Healthy food provides children with the nutrients they need to grow and develop.
  • Plenty of water helps children stay hydrated and prevents dehydration.
  • Enough sleep allows children’s bodies and minds to rest and repair themselves.

3. Attention and affection

Children need to feel loved and cared for. They need to feel like they have someone who loves them unconditionally and who will always be there for them.

  • Love is a feeling of deep affection and care. It is something that we give to others and that they give to us.
  • Affection is a physical expression of love. It can be expressed through hugs, kisses, and other physical touch.

4. Autonomy

Children need to feel like they have some control over their lives. They need to be able to make choices and to feel like their opinions matter.

  • Choices allow children to feel like they are in control of their own lives. It is important to give children choices whenever possible.
  • Opinions matter. Children should feel like their opinions are valued and respected.

5. Empathy

Children need to feel understood and validated. They need to know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone.

  • Understood means that someone knows how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.
  • Validated means that someone accepts your feelings and does not try to change them.

6. Fun

Children need to have fun! They need to be able to play and to enjoy life.

  • Play is important for children’s development. It helps them learn and grow in many ways.
  • Enjoyment is important for children’s well-being. It helps them feel happy and healthy.

7. Bonus: Physical touch

After posting this reel, someone reminded me of the importance of touch, both for the purposes of connection and safety, but also for comfort and grounding.

Let me know in the comments. Are there any unmet needs that I left off of this list?

Source: https://www.thesunshineroom.uk/post/meeting-the-unmet-needs-of-children-with-challenging-behaviour

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