6 Steps to find out how special you are

I want you to know how special you really are.

“To reach where you have never been, you don’t have to be perfect or rich or good looking or influential. You only have to be you. Simple yet strikingly powerful.” ― Hiral Nagda

Me? I’m not special.

That’s been the trigger hiding underneath the surface for years.

It’s the story I’ve been secretly telling myself since childhood.

At 39 years old, I’m a veteran at personal growth, having found my way out of decades of anxiety.

I’ve conquered my share of limiting beliefs head-on.

I’ve found confidence through courage and love for myself after years of not liking the woman I see in the mirror.

Even still, there are more rocks to unturn.

And the boulder before me now as I stand here chisel in hand is the story I didn’t realize was still playing beneath the surface.

“I’m not special.“

As a kid, our family had the least amount of money out of my mother’s sister’s families. Our house was smaller. We didn’t go to the better schools or interesting summer camps or yearly vacations.

Proof I’m not special.

I remember a burping contest in the car one day. Everyone could make themselves burp on cue but me. They laughed at me. I cried. They laughed at me for crying.

Proof I’m not special.

I didn’t have many friends. I wasn’t popular or particularly attractive. I wasn’t a star athlete or in the smartest programs. My name was written on the board often for talking in class or not finishing my homework. I didn’t think my teachers liked me much.

Proof I’m not special.

When I speak, people sometimes glaze over, or stop me to talk to someone else, or lose interest in what I have to say.

• I wasn’t the class valedictorian.
• I didn’t go to a distinguished college.
• I didn’t become a CEO or a doctor.
• I didn’t go from couch potato to climbing Mount Everest.
• I didn’t beat cancer or survive a fire.
• I don’t have a huge TikTok following or an amazing story of overcoming adversity.

So I compared myself to everyone else, and I didn’t measure up.

I’m just a girl, from Connecticut, who had a roof over her head and two parents who love her, but still grew up with insecurities.

I’m just an average Jane with social anxiety and ADHD who lacked confidence but was really good at faking it and masking it with humor.

It’s not just that I thought I wasn’t special.

It was the meaning I applied to it that cut deep. 

👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

I believed that because I’m not unique or special, that means I’m not worth listening to.

And if I’m not worth listening to, I can’t make a difference in the world.

☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻

That story hurts my soul.

I call it a story because that is what it is.

The emotional part of our brain is not connected to the language part of our brain.  That’s why we use story and metaphor to explain how we feel. Then we try to apply logic to this story.

When we believe the story as truth, we’ll keep finding ways to prove it to be true.

This story I’ve been making up for years isn’t true. When I saw something I didn’t have, I felt a sense of lack, then made up a story to explain that feeling.

Once that story took hold, everywhere I looked I only saw proof of this belief.

Which means, I couldn’t see proof of the story I wasn’t telling.

What if I told the story “I am special”?

I’d see a kind kid who liked to make people laugh.

I’d see a girl struggling with ADHD, but pushing through to graduate school early in the top 10% of her class.

I’d see a young woman be brave enough to stop taking anxiety medication to find the strength, resilience and self love to feel in control of her life from within.

I’d see a mom who knows how not to panic when her toddler is sick or needs stitches.

I’d see a lightworker holding space for others while they heal and grow.

I’d see a daughter who learned how to forgive her mother before she passed away.

I’d see a woman strong enough to survive getting dumped weeks before her wedding then travel alone, halfway across the world to find herself again.

I am special.

I’m not perfect. I’m not exceptionally exciting. And I’m not all that unique.

But a boring unicorn is still a f*cking unicorn.

I’m a unicorn.

And so are you.

Find out how special you are.

To realize how special you are, it takes guidance, practice and patience. Here are 6 steps to find how special you are…

Step one: 

Repeat after me “I am special”. Now do it again like 10 or 20 times. And again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

Step two: 

Describe the REAL you, in adjectives. How do you show up in the world when you are the best version of yourself?

Step three: 

List 10 things in life that you are proud of, have overcome, or things you have done for others.

Step four: 

Repeat after me “Just because I’m not perfect, doesn’t mean I’m not special. I am a unicorn. I am special.” Now do it again like 10 or 20 times. And again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

Step five:

Repeat Step one while looking in the mirror and adding in some of those adjectives from Step two. Do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

Step six:

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else’s story. Just focus on what makes you the special unicorn you really are.

Where to go from here:

1. Work with me 1:1: For leaders and parents feeling lost trying to grow and heal on their own, ready for a guide on their journey out of anxiety into the happiest, most Zen-Badass version of yourself from the boardroom to the family room.
   
2. 21 Day Meditation-in-Action emotional transformation (now only $37). In as few as 4 minutes a day, learn how to retrain your mind for resilience, peace and focus.
   
3. Free Training – Learn the 4 Shifts to Ease Anxiety and Find Your Inner Zen-Badass: Access the free mini-but-mighty Graceful Resilience® training to learn the skills to become calm, confident and in control over your emotions so your career and relationships thrive.