How to trust yourself to make decisions from the heart instead of overthinking and procrastinating, so you can get more done in less time

As someone who suffered from anxiety for years and years while also having ADHD, I very much know the daily struggle of being absolutely exhausted, overwhelmed, and like a complete failure because I couldn’t confidently make a freaking decision to save my life.

And when I did make a decision, I’d overthink the crap out of it all night long and could never get my brain to shut up long enough to let me sleep.

(read on, or watch the video training!)

Let’s talk about how freaking hard it is to make confident decisions without worrying all night that someone is going to misinterpret your email…

  • Or trusting yourself to make a choice without fear of missing out because maybe the other option “might be better”.
  • Or not feeling guilty when you need to choose time for yourself instead of time for your kids once in a while.
  • Or pushing through your overthinking and get to work instead of procrastinating another month or 2 (or year or 2) before writing that book because you “must do it perfectly from the get-go”.
  • Or to make quick decisions instead of feeling like an idiot when you can’t make a simple choice. 

That one I know very well! That one hits me to my core. 

At the height of my anxiety, I remember several times having to abandon my half full grocery cart in the cereal aisle and leave because I felt so overwhelmed and like such an idiot because I didn’t have a shopping list, and I didn’t have the capacity at the time to make simple decisions. 

Because here’s the Truth:

The reason you have a hard time making decisions isn’t because you aren’t smart enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough information.

Smart people have a hard time making decisions because overthinking FEELS like problem solving. And we are problem solvers! 

But in reality, it’s a protection strategy giving you the illusion of control.

It feels like:

  • If I just get one more certification, THEN I’ll be credible enough to sound like I know what I’m talking about.
  • If I assume that I did something wrong because my friend didn’t text me back, that will save me from being rejected later.
  • If I obsess over all the ways the other parents are schooling their kids that I’m not doing, that will make me a good parent.

The real problem is that you don’t Trust your Empowered Action to make decisions

And trust doesn’t mean that you know beyond any shadow of doubt that you are right or that everything will work out perfectly.

It’s about betting on yourself to be right while also knowing that if things don’t turn out, you trust “future You” will be able to figure it out.

Here are the 3 things you need to trust yourself to make decisions from your heart without overthinking every step of the way

#1 – Fill Your Resilience Cup to have what you need to make decisions

If we’re burnt out, decision making is damn near impossible. It takes energy to make decisions. We have to evaluate options, objectively look at the situation, and make decisions that are right for us at this moment.

Problem solving and decision making takes resources we don’t have access to when we’re burnt out.

So that leads to overthinking. And overthinking leads to overwhelm and then we get even more burnt out.

First and foremost, fill your Resilience Cup so you don’t get burnt out where it’s 100X harder to access your toolbox to make an empowered decision, and so that you aren’t easily triggered into a worst-case-scenario tailspin, but are able to keep calm and in control when you suddenly have to change all your plans at the last minute because now someone has Covid.

I call this, Mastering your Zen-badassery.

Filling your resilience cup is where you need to go first because when you’re triggered, exhausted – you’re in survival mode and it’s impossible to be completely objective and make the best decisions when your defenses are up.

Here’s a step you can take today: 
Take inventory of what drains your cup and what fills it and take even just one step each day.

#2 Problem-solve from a place of love and support instead of worrying from a place of fear so you can trust yourself to make decisions

When we can’t make a decision or are worrying about the decisions we’ve made already, what’s really happening is that we are doubting ourselves from a place of fear instead of motivating ourselves from a place of love.

To shift into real problem solving is to identify the source of that voice of fear and what it is trying to protect you from. 

Let’s say, for example you are overthinking how to rate yourself in that dreaded yearly employee self review, fearing that if you score yourself too highly that people above you will think you are full of yourself because you “haven’t really accomplished that much” (or so you tell yourself).

That voice of fear may be trying to protect you from being seen as arrogant so it tells you you aren’t good enough so you should rate yourself lower.

This is something so many of us struggle with – a fear of being seen as arrogant – and we think what we want is to feel confident, but when we try, it feels like arrogance.

That is because true confidence requires humility. 

Confidence without humility is arrogance.

It’s easy to picture that overconfident guy who doesn’t know what he’s talking about but brushes aside everyone’s advice because he “knows it all”. That guy lacks humility so his confidence is really arrogance.

True humility requires self-compassion because without it, all you have is self-criticism.

It’s equal parts acknowledging our faults, failures or shortcomings; and allowing ourselves to be human and have the human experience that is crucial to our growth.

We are pros at acknowledging our failures! We’ve got that down pat! 

But that’s not the whole picture. If we’re missing the self compassion piece that recognizes that failure is part of the process to becoming better, we are not fully in our humility. So when we try to be confident, it feels like arrogance.

What we need isn’t confidence – it’s self compassion. And that’s what we’re talking about here.

You do that by removing these blocks that are causing you to spin out in the first place. 

You do that by re-writing those old belief systems telling you that the worst is going to happen, it’s going to be all your fault and everyone will know you suck because you made the wrong decision.

Acknowledging all this with self-loving resilience is what I call, Embodying your Unshakable Worthiness.

Here’s a step you can take today: 
When you catch yourself in this worrying/overthinking tailspin – I want you to ask yourself: “Am I worrying through my voice of fear or am I problem solving through my voice of love and support for myself”

#3 Know yourself so you can make decisions that you trust. 

When pressed, do you choose honesty or kindness when your best friend asks you what you think of her new boyfriend?

Do you spend the money you inherited from your mother on growing your business, or on a family vacation?

Do you make a big deal about your husband being a jerk the other day, or do you let it go?

No answer is wrong to these questions. There’s only the answer that is more right to you at this moment.

Spend some time reflecting on your values and what makes you, you.

I call this Embracing your Unapologetic Authenticity

Here’s a step you can take today: 
To trust that your actions are aligned with your authentic self – ask yourself: “how would the best version of me show up to this situation?” If you don’t know the answer to that yet, imagine how someone you admire would show up to this situation.

Now??

Now, when I’m at the grocery store and I don’t have a list and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed – I know that I can either ground and calm myself to keep going, or decide that now is not the best time for this task and feel good about my decision to leave and come back later.

But honestly, I’ve gotten so good at monitoring my Resilience Cup that I rarely get overwhelmed in those situations anymore.

Ok – so a few things I want you to remember about how to trust yourself to make decisions from the heart:

  • Smart people have a hard time making decisions because overthinking feels like problem solving when in reality, it’s a protection strategy
  • Confidence requires self-compassion
  • Don’t make decisions on empty (if your cup is empty, Step 1 is to fill your cup)
  • When you catch yourself overthinking, ask yourself, am I worrying from a place of fear, or am I problem solving from a place of love and support for myself?
  • Know your unique values – not just who you want to be but how you want to show up to life and decision-making (with compassion or ambition, with honesty or humor, with hard work or self care, etc), and use that as your compass to make decisions aligned with your authentic self
  • From there you’ll be able to trust your empowered action and stop wasting your time overthinking, exhausting yourself, and getting into arguments

Did you find this list helpful??? Anything you would add???

Comment below!

Where to go from here:

  1. Work with me 1:1: For leaders and parents feeling lost trying to grow and heal on their own, ready for a guide on their journey out of anxiety into the happiest, most Zen-Badass version of yourself from the boardroom to the family room.
  2. 21 Day Meditation-in-Action emotional transformation (now only $37). In as few as 4 minutes a day, learn how to retrain your mind for resilience, peace and focus.
  3. Free Training – Learn the 4 Shifts to Ease Anxiety and Find Your Inner Zen-Badass: Access the free mini-but-mighty Graceful Resilience® training to learn the skills to become calm, confident and in control over your emotions so your career and relationships thrive.