Overcome Anger With Loving-Kindness Meditation

Learn to overcome anger with this simple meditation.

Holding onto anger and judgement is like having undigested food sit in your stomach, fermenting, never passing through.

When someone wrongs us, someone we love, or something we care about, we feel like it’s our right and responsibility hold a grudge.

We feel like they do not deserve our compassion. They have lost the right to any positivity that could come from us.

It feels like forgiveness is like saying that what they did was ok or acceptable, that they will be getting off free and not held accountable for their actions.

But forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.

It doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm.

If you don’t find it possible to forgive for the other person’s sake, you can see this as an act of self-compassion, bringing you peace of mind to help you go on with life.

Holding onto anger simply doesn’t feel great, and it’s not particularly great for your body. The Mayo Clinic says¹ that forgiveness can lead to:

Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
A stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Improved self-esteem

I used to jump to anger as my default mode. Though most people close to me may not have noticed the boiling rage inside my head. On the outside I was good at keeping my cool (most of the time). For me, it often came out as passive aggressiveness.

I played the blame game and thought I was winning. The truth is, no one wins at that game. It separates us from others. Ruins relationships. Causes hurt that lingers and never seems to go away.

I spent so much of my life blaming other people for how I felt.

My mom left when I was 14. I blamed her for making me feel abandoned and unimportant.
My fiance dumped me 5 weeks before our wedding. I blamed him for making me feel sad, angry, and rejected.
My friends got together without me and posted pictures on Facebook of them having a great time. I blamed them for making me feel unlikeable.

But by putting the blame on them, I was giving them ownership over my feelings. That meant that I was relinquishing ownership over my own emotions.

Our anger, grudges and relationships are complicated. And true forgiveness may seem an insurmountable feat.

But a practice of loving kindness towards yourself and others can be a great first step to starting to release that grip on anger.

The following metta meditation on Loving Kindness is a practice in cultivating compassion, self compassion and empathy. Listen below, or read along.

Start with a full breath in and a long breath out. Allow the breath to settle, the body to settle, the mind to settle.

To begin this practice, repeat the phrases silently. (You can also replace these phrases with ones that work well for you.)

Bringing yourself to mind and repeat:

May I be happy.
May I be peaceful.
May I be free from pain.

As you repeat these phases, see what it’s like to really let them in. If it’s uncomfortable to wish yourself well, try releasing a little bit of resistance by visualizing yourself as a child.

Repeat again:

May I be happy.
May I be peaceful.
May I be free from pain.

Now bring to mind someone that you care about, a loved one, a teacher, or even a loyal pet is a

good object of your love and kindness here.

Keep them in mind as you use the phrases to wish them well: