Being emotionally healthy is the key to getting everything you want in life.

When I wrote this, a virus was spreading across the globe. Schools were shut down. People were out of work. Grocery stores were empty.

Weddings, graduations, vacations, a day in court — all canceled.

This was the ultimate test in emotional resilience.

Even without a pandemic or a recession or war – life is hard and it throws us curveballs.

Uncertainty is one of the main reasons we stress, along with a lack of control, and right now we’ve got it in truckloads.

I’ve spent the last decade building my mental and emotional resilience to stress and adversity, and yet fighting off the anxiety is still a challenge.

I’m putting all the tools in my toolbox to good use.

And they are working.

Here are 6 simple tools to improve your emotional health

1. Talk to someone, but limit the bitching.

stay emotionally healthy by talking to people

It can be cathartic to share with others the fear, panic, and challenges you’re experiencing. It makes us feel not alone. It validates our feelings and makes us feel connected.

So talk to someone about what is stressing you out right now.

But for the sake of your emotional health, set a time limit for focusing on the negative. Maybe ten or twenty minutes each to share. Then it’s time to change the conversation.

Here are some cues:

  • What is going right?
  • What are you grateful for?
  • What are you looking forward to?
  • Despite the hardships, how are you coping?
  • How can you encourage and praise your friend?

When we only focus on the negative, we forget what is going well and then all we can see is the bad.

I also find it incredibly helpful to notice how differently my body feels when I’m complaining, angry, and blaming than it does when I’m grateful and optimistic. One feels tight, hot, and heavy. The other feels lighter, looser, and freer.

And as I listen to my husband, mother, or friends share their pain with me, I always make it a point when they are done to change the conversation and ask them what’s going good.

I can hear the tone in their voice change as they bring their thoughts to the positive.

2. Being generous will decrease your stress and improve your emotional health – literally.

being generous keeps you emotionally healthy

This doesn’t need to be a gift of money!

  • It can be a roll of toilet paper.
  • It can be an hour FaceTiming your grandmother who is held up in her nursing home with no visitors right now.
  • It can be offering to pick up and drop off groceries for a neighbor or making them a plate of enchiladas.
  • It can even come in the form of well wishes or prayers for others dealing with difficult times.

I have a three-month-old and am blessed with an ample supply of breastmilk, so donating some of my freezer stash costs me nothing, but can mean so much for a needy mother and child right now.

Giving is scientifically proven to be good for your emotional health.

It activates regions of the brain “associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust, creating a ‘warm glow’ effect. It releases endorphins in the brain, producing the positive feeling known as the ‘helper’s high.’”

Giving has been linked to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that induces feelings of warmth, euphoria, and connection to others.

It’s been shown to decrease stress, which not only feels better, but lowers your blood pressure and other health problems caused by stress.

What can you give right now?

3. Intentionally take mental breaks to reduce your anxiety

take mental breaks to stay emotionally healthy

It’s so easy to get stuck in mental go-go-go-mode all our waking hours. Especially since our brains crave being busy or entertained.

Even when we rest, we flip through Facebook, watch TV, or daydream.

These past few weeks I haven’t been making the time to take my mental breaks. I usually meditate daily, but with a baby who doesn’t yet have an eating and sleeping schedule, plus with all the extra stresses right now, I’ve not given my mind a break!

So I could feel the anxiety creeping in. It started in the body. I felt the tension in my muscles. My jaw was tight. Breathing was shallow. And I was irritable!

I know it’s time for a mental break when something as simple as my husband leaving another towel on the banister makes me want to file for divorce. (Or end up on an episode of Dateline!)

So I put my husband on baby duty, ran on the treadmill trying to focus on my breath and not my to-do list, took a shower, and brought my attention to the warm water instead of worry over how I will get clients.

Then I meditated for fifteen minutes zoning in on my breath every time my thoughts turned to worry over daycare and the coronavirus.

I felt like I’d washed my brain. The tension was gone, my mind was clear, and I no longer wanted to strangle my husband.

From our anxious place, we catastrophize as we spin out in our negativity bias. All we can see is the negative.

We need these mental breaks to create space from these ruminating thoughts. We need to hit the reset button. Our emotional health depends on it.

A mental break is taking anywhere from thirty seconds to thirty minutes to consciously turn our attention inward, away from outside influence, as well as our flow of thoughts.

We can’t stop the flow of thoughts, but we can notice when they’ve taken our attention, and purposefully redirect that attention to something in the present moment like the breath, a mantra or sound, or a visualization.

Here are a few ways to take that mental break:

A simple mental break breathing practice:

  • Start with a re-calibrating big, big inhale, hold it, and breathe out all the way.
  • Now breathe in slowly to the count of four, then hold for a second.
  • When you hold, hear the silence between the breaths.
  • Then breathe out to the count of four and hold for a second at the bottom.
  • When you hold, feel your mind clearing as you listen for the space between inhale and exhale.
  • Repeat until you feel relaxed.

4. Allow the feelings of anxiety to exist

allow yourself to feel your feelings of anxiety to stay emotionally healthy

This stress and anxiety feel terrible. And it can be hard to muster up the strength and will to try out some of the items on this list to make yourself feel better.

That’s okay.

But what tends to happen is we want to run from the discomfort, try to suppress it with distraction like TV or social media, or numb it with wine, food, or drugs.

It’s normal to want to avoid pain. We’re naturally geared to avoid it. However, when we block this pain from flowing, when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our emotions, they get stuck.

Emotions are energy in motion. If you stop they, they just bottle up. They don’t disappear.

Try this exercise to allow your emotions to flow:

  • Take a moment to close your eyes and sit in a quiet space or block out distraction as best you can.
  • Take a deep breath in and slowly breathe out.
  • Notice the physical feelings of stress. Where are you holding it in your body? What does it feel like?
  • On your next exhale, release as much tension as you can.
  • Repeat:
    • “I am allowing these feelings to be present.”
    • “I let these feelings flow through me.”
    • “These feelings are causing me no harm.”
  • Now scan your body starting from your head, jaw and neck. Shoulders and hips. Down your legs and feet. Release any tension you find along the way.

Once you’ve allowed these feelings to exist and flow, the following tool is a fantastic next step toward emotional health.

5. Expressing gratitude reduces negative thoughts

feel your emotions to ease anxiety

We humans have a natural negativity bias. It’s a mechanism in place designed with the intention of keeping us safe.

Being on the lookout for danger, in theory, might be a better tactic to keep us alive than ignoring any signs of danger for the sake of focusing on pleasantries. Like being on alert for a mountain lion instead of enjoying a bed of flowers.

But 99 percent of the time, or more, our lives are not in imminent danger. Yet the negativity bias remains.

As it turns out, much like generosity, gratitude is also scientifically proven to be good for our emotional health.

It’s shown that people who express gratitude are more optimistic and feel better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercise more and have fewer visits to physicians than those who focus on sources of aggravation.

In some studies, it’s also shown people immediately exhibiting a huge increase in happiness scores, as well as improved relationships.

Here are some ways to express gratitude:

  • Write a thank-you note or email
  • Thank someone mentally
  • Try a gratitude journal
  • Pray or meditate on something you are grateful for

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help to take the burden off your stress

ask for help to stay emotionally healthy

I am so proud of our communities coming together, staying home, helping each other out. If there is something you need, there are whole groups of people ready and willing to help a stranger out. I see it all day on my Facebook feed, people offering up formula or diapers, services to drop off food, or offering homeschooling tools and advice.

Thankfully, this pandemic has come during a time of advanced technological capabilities, allowing us all to connect digitally.

Doctors, teachers and coaches are now available online. From the comfort of your socially distant home, you can find help right at your fingertips.

Ask for help. It doesn’t make you look weak. People inherently like to be helpful.

Especially if you need help dealing with the anxiety of our current situation. We don’t make good decisions coming from a place of fear. Now more than ever it is essential to have emotional resiliency to get through this tough time and come out the other end whole and ready to move forward.

We’ll get through this together, even though we’re physically apart. Wishing you much love, luck, and light on your journey.

Where to go from here:

  1. Work with me 1:1: For leaders and parents feeling lost trying to grow and heal on their own, ready for a guide on their journey out of anxiety into the happiest, most Zen-Badass version of yourself from the boardroom to the family room.
  2. 21 Day Meditation-in-Action emotional transformation (now only $37). In as few as 4 minutes a day, learn how to retrain your mind for resilience, peace and focus.
  3. Free Training – Learn the 4 Shifts to Ease Anxiety and Find Your Inner Zen-Badass: Access the free mini-but-mighty Graceful Resilience® training to learn the skills to become calm, confident and in control over your emotions so your career and relationships thrive.

1https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you
2https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier